growing up

So, as I stated from the beginning of this blog I am not a great writer. However, it is something that I enjoy. I have never been one to write and then share it with others, but that is what a blog is all about.
This post is my entry into a REAL SIMPLE life lessons essay contest. I have been thinking about submitting an entry for the contest all summer. I have known about it since May. Really though, why wouldn't I wait until yesterday to start the essay knowing that entries are taken until tonight at midnight. So, it was written last night and this morning. Here is the rough draft, I have a few more hours to finish it. I am not expecting to win, but the $3000 and a two day trip to NYC is rather enticing and I liked the topic.

Topic: When did you realize that you had become a grown-up?

Essay:I can’t wait until I am older

At 29 years old I still have days that I feel 12. Or maybe it is days that I wish I were 12. I still, on occasion, act selfish and want my own way. There are days that I do not make our bed and I really have no remorse or guilt from not doing it. Even though our house is clean, I often leave things out and do not put them back where they belong until the next day. I am sure all of us grown-ups don’t always act as grown-up as we should. Nevertheless, I am a grown-up.

As a child I can remember thinking, "I can't wait until I am older." I had that thought so often during my childhood and adolescence. I can honestly say I am still not quite sure that it happened all in one day or through a series of events, but I think it was on September 20, 2006. I think that was the day I became a grown-up.

I believe that four events or times have defined my passage into adulthood. Each event was unique and special in its own way. Maybe growing up happens in one day for some, or maybe it is a journey. I am not sure, but here is how it happened for me.

When I was young I thought that being taller in stature was a sign that I was a so called grown-up. I was sure that a sign of being a grown-up was easily recognizable by one event. I knew that once I could touch the pew in front of me at church without any bend to my arms or wrist to reach the wooden back of the seat was a sign that I was a grown-up. At about age 14 I was able to stand at church to sing with my arms extended down to barely touch the pew in front of me. However, I was not a grown-up.

So, I had to set my attainable grown-up goal on something else. I decided that I would be a grown up once I had my own car with a trunk. Now, you may be saying, "What, why a car with a trunk?" I want to tell you, I have absolutely NO idea why I thought this. Maybe I thought of this step as something that was very independent. Maybe I related the trunk to grocery store shopping, and running errands. I am honestly not sure why I thought that this was a big step in becoming a grown-up. I drove one of my parent’s cars once I turned 16, and then got my own at age 18. Driving my own car, with a trunk during my senior year of high school did not make me a grown-up.

Once again I set my sights on something else that would make me a grown-up. My next milestone was bill paying. Can’t all grown-ups be defined as bill paying people? Again, this milestone came and went and I was still not a grown-up.

After I graduated from college, I was still unsure of what I really wanted to do in life. After one year of three part time jobs I went back to school to get my masters degree. During this time I didn't really think about growing up too much. I had the tall stature, the same car with a trunk, and paid bills. I even owned a house of my very own. I got married when I was 25 and still felt like a child at times until, the 6 months after our wedding that is when I really became a grown-up.

As my husband and I sat at the funeral home with his siblings and their spouses to make funeral arrangements for his mother Ellen just 12 weeks after our wedding, I knew I was a grown-up. September 20, 2006. We were the adults in this situation. Both of my husband’s parents were ill when we started dating and when we got married. His mother, Ellen, was fighting breast cancer for the second time and his father, Steven was bed ridden with multiple sclerosis. Ellen had attended the wedding, but was very weak. I think we were so happy about our marriage that it was hard to imagine the coming days and weeks of caretaking and what the inevitable future held.

We went to Hawaii the day after the ceremony for our honeymoon. The day after we returned from our honeymoon Ryan's grandmother passed away. Eight weeks later, it was his mother. Another six weeks and Ryan had ankle reconstructive surgery from a basketball injury that put him on crutches for 10 weeks. It would be 3 weeks of calm before yet another storm, Ryan's father passed away. The first 6 months of marriage are a blur.

During these 6 months of heartache and joy I grew into adulthood. Maybe it was because we felt somewhat responsible for his younger, but grown siblings. Maybe it was because we were missing that older and wiser family link. But I think it was because I realized that no one is invincible. Our time on earth goes by quickly. Only God knows the number of days we will be on this earth. This time made me think of one of my favorite verses in the Bible. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” Time is really not in my control. I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I just live each day.

Childhood is easy, growing up is hard, but the journey is when we grow.